Inappropriate Humor | Because You Hardly Find Something That's Both Funny and Appropriate

How I Shattered a Young Girl's American Idol Dream

Back in 2004 I worked as a camp counselor for a summer job.  It was the first time I'd ever been a counselor.  I always loved being around kids (no, not in that creepy way) and it turned out I was great at the job and a good role model for the youngsters.  The kids were aged four to eight years old, so I had my work cut out for me.  That was until one of the last days of camp where I shattered a little girl's dream of ever making it to American Idol.

DISCLAIMER:  All aspects of this story are true, expect the girl's name may or may not have been changed.

It was a calm and sunny day towards the end of camp.  Another counselor and I had some time to kill, so we had to improvise and using the playground was a perfect venue, especially since there weren't any toys to clean up afterwards.  Shortly after the kids started playing around, they got bored - the pressure was on us to entertain the kids.

American Idol was at a peak in popularity, so it seemed fitting to make a game around that.  The kids loved the idea of having auditions to see if they'd make it on the train to Hollywood with Ryan Seacrest, who for some reason they absolutely loved.

The auditions began and the kids were having a blast.  I even made up tickets to Hollywood to add to the fun.  Looking back, I'm pretty sure just about every kid sang "All-Star" by Smash Mouth, an absolutely terrible song.  I think Shrek had just come out.

With only a few contestants left, I wasn't expecting much other than more terrible renditions of "All-Star," knowing fully that I'd get an earful from annoyed parents because their kids would be singing that stupid song the entire ride home.

My expectations were low; that was until it was little Katie Slaughter's turn on the mic.  I couldn't stand this girl.  She made my life a living hell and always wore these ridiculous star-shaped sunglasses.  She was annoying, obnoxious, ugly and constantly ruined any fun the rest of the group was having.  However, I always treated her like the rest of group, unless she acted out of line.

Katie started singing a terrible song that I had never heard before, but honestly, I couldn't tell if the song was bad or that she had just butchered it beyond recognition.  I asked her to sing another song.  This song I knew - "YMCA" by the Village People.

It's pretty hard to ruin the main lyrics of the song, but she did.  Katie couldn't even get the letters right, both verbally and with her arms.  Some of the other kids who were already on the train to Hollywood started to laugh at Katie, including her younger sister.

It's unfair to give anybody false hope.  So when the kids quieted down and waited for the verdict, I had no choice.

"Katie, I'm sorry.  That was terrible, absolutely awful.  You're not going to Hollywood.  But don't worry, your sister is, so you can visit her on the set."

To this day, I've never seen a girl cry so much in my entire life.  She was balling her eyes out, telling me how much she loved the show and wanted to go to Hollywood.  But talent is talent.

After a strenuous afternoon of auditions, I had to sit down.  And when I did, I felt and heard a snap.  Yup, I sat right on those stupid star-shaped glasses and snapped them in half.

There were about 10 days left of camp after the American Idol auditions and Katie Slaughter didn't show up for a single day, even though her sister did.  That is how I effectively shattered a young girl's American Idol dream.  I didn't even feel bad about it.  To this day, I feel like I was doing Simon and Randy a favor down the road.

Somebody has got to take out the trash.

Additional information

Copyright © 2018 Habledash, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Habledash. Unabashed Politics. No Apologies.